I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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