wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
