Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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