just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
