i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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