im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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