stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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