So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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