remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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