for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
