She said her name was "party"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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