I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
