This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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