what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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