What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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