a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
