hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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