Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
