Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
