This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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