im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
