Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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