what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
