I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
