I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
