update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A bitchslap is in order.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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