I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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