I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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