Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
