so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
