I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
