oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
