Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
