I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
