Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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