More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
