I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
