it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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