Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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