the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm passing your future prison.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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