pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
