I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Floor bacon is actually really good
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
