you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
