At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
