Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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