girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
