Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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