Will you blow on my dice?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
