he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
