Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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