if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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