I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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