the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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