I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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