i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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