im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
