I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
