I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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