i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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