I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.