yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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