Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
