He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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