butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
