well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
