Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
