What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
